Blessings of 2013

With the new year beginning soon, I thought it would be important to reflect on this past year and identify what I am grateful for.  I hope that after you read my list, you will take some time to intentionally focus on the blessings of the past year in your life.   The antidote to complaints is gratitude.  So here's my shot at gratitude and my favorites of the past year. I will leave my complaints for the year out, because they have already spent too much time on my mind and on my lips.

Here it goes in no particular order...

1. God and being an Orthodox Christian for an entire year. (Please see blog "My Journey Home.. to Orthodoxy" for more on this).

2. Family

3. New memories in a childhood home.

4. Greater self awareness

5. Great coworkers: I am inspired, challenged, and motivated by them.

6. Roommating with my sister: It has been a joy to experience living with my sister again but now, as adults. I am blessed by seeing the beautiful person she has turned into.

7. These Prayers:

* O Lord, grant me to greet the coming day in peace. Help me in all things to rely upon Your holy will. In every hour of the day reveal Your will to me. Bless my dealings with all who surround me. Teach me to treat all that comes to me throughout the day with peace of soul and with firm conviction that Your will governs all. In all my deeds and words, guide my thoughts and feelings. In unforeseen events, let me not forget that all are sent by You. Teach me to act firmly and wisely, without embittering and embarrassing others. Give me strength to bear the fatigue of the coming day with all that it shall bring. Direct my will, teach me to pray, and You, Yourself, pray in me. Amen.  [by Metropolitan Philaret of Moscow]

* O Heavenly King, the Comforter, the Spirit of Truth who are everywhere and fillest all things. Treasury of Blessings, and Giver of Life: Come and abide in us, and cleanse us from every impurity, and save our souls, O Good One.

Holy God! Holy Mighty! Holy Immortal! Have mercy on us.

Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen.

8. Books (Enough said, the list could go on).

9. These passages from the Bible:

* Psalm 50

* "You are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed"—Luke 10:41-42

* "The Lord will fight for you; You need only to BE STILL." Exodus 14:14

10. These quotes:

11. Trip to Washington D.C.

12. 4 day Solo Silent Retreat

13. The privilege of being in the presence of my clients and sharing in their life stories.

14. The experience of being changed by my clients.

15. Being mentored professionally, and spiritually.

16. My brother graduating from high school.

17. Singing in a choir.

18. Spending time with my parents: I am so loved and privileged to have parents with such intelligence, creativity, passion for life, and maturity in their faith.

19. Friends getting married.

20. Skype to chat with friends far away.

21. Being single: This stage of my life has allowed me to journey inward and reflect on who I am, so that I may be a person who lives aligned with my values.  

22. Health.

23. Loving my job as a mental health therapist.

24. All the basic necessities that I am very privileged to have.

25. New friends

26. The choice to see Christ in everyone I meet.

That officially completes this brief list of what I am grateful for in 2013. 

A Purity Paradigm Shift

I have been ruminating for a few weeks on the notion of purity; what it means, and what is its' purpose. Purity has meant many things to me throughout the different seasons of my life, and I suppose new light will be shed on this topic as I experience more in the future. For now though, I will discuss my perspective on purity. From my perspective, I see a few problems in the way purity has been discussed and viewed in our current society and those are...

1. Purity is seen as a lack of something. It seems that purity is often frowned upon by the larger society as being something that is restrictive and lacking in fun. Purity is seen as not living life to the fullest and succumbing one self to a life of lackluster experiences.

2. Purity is seen as immaturity. So often I hear people describing someone they believe to be pure, in a way that seems to imply the person is immature and not knowledgeable. Someone who is pursuing purity doesn't know what life is about, and needs to be caught up on what's cool.

3. Purity is seen as merely abstaining from sex. Purity is restricted to the area of sexual abstinence.

All of these viewpoints on purity have a negative connotation to them, and I believe it translates strongly into our society as well as individual beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in the area of purity. Given the three points made above, I propose a purity paradigm shift to look at purity in a new light (or should I say an old light). We may see that there is more to purity than we are commonly led to believe. I propose a look at purity in more than just what it restricts us from, but to look at it in more depth to see what it provides for us. I have to say I believe it is necessary to look at purity in more depth because I believe strongly that many of us are being mislead by our society at large and this has painful implications on our hearts, relationships, and souls.

Paradigm shift 1: Purity lacks vs. Purity is fullness
It is true that purity is a lack of something. Just reflect on this definition of purity for a moment. Purity: Freedom from adulteration or contamination (synonyms: cleanness, clearness, clarity, freshness). It is a lack
of adulteration and contamination. More than a lack of something it is freedom from something. As I said
earlier, too often purity is looked at as a something that robs us of something we are lacking. But when we
look at purity as freedom from contamination and adulteration we see that it gives us a full experience. Take
a moment and think about water...

When you think about pure drinking water what comes to mind? Do you think about all the things that the water is not? Or do you think about how fresh and clean the water tastes? Purity in water is something that is greatly desired. We don't generally think about what we are missing out on when we are drinking cool fresh water. No, we are thinking about how great that cool fresh water is. So why is it when we think about purity in our lives, we do not focus as much on how fresh, reviving, and wonderful it is to experience something pure, but we tend to think about purity in what it takes away from us right now, or what we would be missing out on if we pursue purity. We all know that pure water tastes better, things that are uncontaminated provide us with a better experience. (Examples: fresh air, or a clear sky at night which reveals the stars).

So what if we were to look at purity in our lives as giving us an opportunity to actually experience the fullness of what any given experience can offer. When we pursue purity in our life we can actually live the life that God offers in it's fullness. We no longer cheat ourselves by having a mindset that purity lacks something, but see the fullness in the world, others, and God through uncontaminated eyes. ie. "Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God."-Matthew 5:8

Paradigm shift 2: Purity is immature vs. Purity is mature and discerning
The notion that purity is equivalent to immaturity does not give purity the justice it deserves. The definition of immaturity is: the state of being immature or not fully grown or behavior that is appropriate to someone younger. We already know the definition of purity as being freedom from contamination or adulteration; and it is clear that it does not reference being young, or not being fully grown.

While I can see that the notion of purity has been made to seem equivalent to immaturity (ie. that a young child (immature) has not been contaminated or had to experience the dirtiness of life yet 'pure'); purity and maturity level do not mean the same thing, but they do coexist with each other. I would argue that you can be both pure and immature, and pure and mature.

While it may be true that children are immature and in a sense "pure," I do not believe this notion translates the same into adulthood. As one grows older the pursuit of purity is just that, something that has to be pursued. In adulthood, we are exposed to many more things that have the potential to steal away the fullness of purity. As we grow older, purity begins to be about being mature and making wise, discerning decisions to focus on, and live in what is helpful and not harmful to us and others. Purity is no longer something we have, just by sheer lack of experience (ie.. child's lack of exposure to the world), but it is something we must fight for and maintain.

In regards to sexual purity, I have heard that it is simply not having knowledge or a maturity in sexuality. To that I would argue in the words of C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity who wrote, "On the contrary, those who are seriously attempting chastity are more conscious, and soon know a great deal more about their own sexuality than anyone else. They come to know their desires are Wellington knew Napolean, or as Sherlock Holmes knew Moriarty; as a rat catcher knows rats or a plumber knows about leaky pipes. Virtue, even attempted virtue, brings light; indulgence brings fog."

Paradigm shift 3: Purity is sexual abstinence vs. Purity is sexual, physical, mental, and spiritual wholeness

As a young girl growing up in Christian circles, I was frequently exposed to talk about True Love Waits rings and necklaces. These necklaces and rings were supposed to be worn as signs of purity (but the focus was mainly on sexual purity). Growing older, I have found that purity is more than just a pursuit of remaining sexually abstinent before marriage. It's a pursuit towards wholeness of the mind, body, and soul. It is the pursuit of experiences in their fullness. Mostly, it's the pursuit of God.

If purity is purely about remaining sexually pure, without an understanding of it's purpose; it will be very difficult to pursue purity. Pursuing purity turns into the do's and dont's, and that doesn't get us very far. It becomes a mindless pursuit, and doesn't hold under pressure.

So as I said, pursuing purity is really about pursuing being a whole person. The struggle and pursuit of purity is about pursuing God. It is about working to keep our lives fully devoted to God, and living in His life. It is allowing God to speak to us and to convict us to repent of the things that keep us separate from Him. It is asking God to help us defeat evil thoughts and actions of jealousy, lust, and pride so we can continue to be transformed. Purity provides us with clarity on our life, and sheds away the darkness so we can see God. When we work towards purity in our physical, mental, sexual, and spiritual life we are building a stronger connection with God.

Let us take up the challenge to pursue purity in our lives, and stop buying into the deception that purity is somehow depriving us. God gives us everything for our good, and He loves us. He knows that life is better lived in full communion with Him, the Life giver. Let us pursue purity so we can live life in the fullest way, and in the way God intended for us in the beginning.

A JOURNEY HOME... TO ORTHODOXY

It is difficult to describe the changes that have occurred in my life in the past year.  It literally feels as if it has been three years.  That may be due to the fact that as a whole, I have slowed down.  A few life changes have occurred in the last year including moving, finishing my Master's degree, and starting my career as a social worker working as a therapist.  However, even those most significant changes have not changed my life in the way that converting from Protestant Christianity to Eastern Orthodox Christianity has changed my framework for viewing life.There have been many theological changes in my faith, but as Orthodoxy is primarily experiential in nature, I will focus on the experiences that I have had coming into the church. This is a hard task to put into words because as I read in the book, "The Inner Kingdom," by Kallistos Ware, describing it only provides part of the truth of it.  In the same way describing a painting or an orchestra piece does not do it justice or express the truth of it unless one experiences it by seeing or hearing it.  In this post I will not attempt to discuss the theology of the early Christian Orthodox church, as much as I will try and express my experience of my initial and ongoing encounter with being Orthodox.

 First, a little background on how my path took a turn into Orthodoxy.    I grew up engaged in the Protestant denomination, primarily Pentecostal Christianity.  My parents have a Lutheran and Roman Catholic background but both joined spirit filled Pentecostal churches, and raised us attending them.  I went on to attend an Assemblies of God school for my undergraduate degree in psychology.  My time at this school was a season of great shaping and molding in my life.  I continued on to graduate school and finished my Masters in Social Work in the spring of 2012.  I then returned to my hometown, and started a new job as a mental health therapist.  It was during this time that my dad began to discuss with me in greater detail what he had been learning about church history before the protestant reformation.  I have enough college credits to be equivalent to a bible minor and I don't remember learning much about church history (besides the 100 years of Assemblies of God history).  I had the impression from what I was told that the church in the book of Acts was lost, and we were left with the Bible, and sort of had to pick up the pieces on how to do church from there.  In my ignorance, I really didn't even know of church history before Martin Luther and the Protestant Reformation.  Anyways, my father began to talk about how the theology taken from the writings of the early church fathers was quite different than what we now have in many of our denominations.  

Now, I have always been an avid learner and when I am presented with something that is intriguing I study it. I usually love to examine things for myself and make decisions based off of evidence (that has changed somewhat, in my increased acceptance of mystery).  Anyways, we as a family decided to go visit an Orthodox church.  My first visit was actually before I moved home, and I was home on Easter break.  I really had no knowledge of the church when I had first visited because it was before I started studying it. The first thing that I noticed when I first visited was that I felt very uncomfortable with the new environment.  I was used to praising God with a song with a worship band, microphones, raising hands, and singing loudly.   In this church I had no idea what I was to do, or when I was supposed to sit or stand.  My family of course chose to sit in the front so we had to look behind us to determine if we needed to sit or stand (I later learned that in very traditional orthodox churches there are no pews so people stand the entire time, and it is never inappropriate to stand all of the time).  Underneath my feeling of being uncomfortable, was a feeling that this kind of worship was not about me and my comfort at all.  After the service my brother mentioned that the liturgical worship was orderly and respectful and expressed reverence towards God, and I agreed with him. My impression after the first service was that I didn't really understand what everything meant but I knew it was greater than anything I could make up on my own.  

When I began to attend weekly services, I began to understand the order of worship.  I also noticed how much prayer and scripture was used throughout the service.  I saw members going up to receive communion from one cup every week.  I eventually began attending Catechumen classes and began to learn about this ancient church that claimed to be continuing in the doctrine of faith from the apostles.  The Orthodox way was sparking much curiosity in me. I initially had a ton of skepticism, because of course many of the beliefs challenged the way I had grown up thinking and believing.  However, in catechumen class, my heart began to open to the church and it's glorious ways.  I learned about early Christian church history and it's traditions.  I also learned how the Orthodox church was the only Christian church for the first many hundred years of Christianity, and they have kept the same doctrine and teaching of the apostles, and have an unbroken line of bishops from the time of the apostles.

There have been many things that I have learned, but as I said before, I want to primarily speak of my experience with the church.  In August 2012 I visited three Orthodox monasteries and stayed three nights.  When I walked into the first monastery, I entered right into the gift shop surrounded floor to ceiling with icons.  As I walked by them, I felt an unbelievable peace and calmness come over me which brought tears to my eyes.  I then was able to experience Liturgy with the nuns of the monastery, and it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced.  It was as if the nuns had the voices of angels.  They sang so humbly, "Kyrie Eleison." I was able to experience the venerating of the bones of early church saints and apostles, lighting of candles, and kissing the hand of the Gerontissa of the monastery.  We later visited a smaller monastery and listened first hand to a monk tell his story of grace.  On another day we visited the most beautiful church I have ever seen that was located at another monastery and had a service with the Serbian Orthodox Patriarch (in a later service I was able to meet him, what an honor).  After this trip I began to read Orthodox books.  I had decided by then that I wanted to join the Orthodox church as I felt it was the most consistent in teaching since the early church times, and for many other reasons.  

On November 18, 2012, me and my entire immediate family became Orthodox Christians through Christmation.   I took part in a Christmation service where I was given the seal of the Holy Spirit.  I basically cried through the whole thing.  I finally felt like I had come home.  I joined the church even though mentally, I had not been able to understand all of it's teachings or reasoning for why they do what they do.  I began to see God differently.  It wasn't necessarily in opposition to my former way of seeing God as a protestant, but it was almost like, for my whole life I had only one lens to view God and the world, and now I have the other lens along with the frame to be able to put the glasses on and use them in my day to day life.

I continued my study of the faith after being a partaker in it.  I learned about this rich history of the numerous lives of the saints.  I learned many of the purposes and practices of the church.  At first I thought the practices were legalistic, but this actually can't be father from the truth.  In reality the practices of the church are all there for my healing and transformation into a selfless person.  It is a prescription to work towards wholeness in cooperation with God's grace and sacrifice.  To me, Orthodoxy has not only provided the other lens and frame to see, it has provided the path to walk on to live out this Christian life and bring me ever closer into oneness with the Lord.  I now see more clearly that God has invited us into the life of the Trinity (John 17:21) and we do this by partaking in the life of Christ and his church.  Partaking of Christ's body and blood regularly, which is unifying myself with Him and the Church to be one body in Christ.  Confession has helped to reveal my passions and sin, and it has helped me be mindful of it throughout each day.  Confession holds me accountable to all my secrets, causes me to regularly open myself up and let the Lord purify me, living a life of repentance. It has also began a process of healing from sin that I had previously never experienced in my life even after I initially came to Christ when I was younger.  Through prayer and fasting I have been able to understand denying the self will in a practical way.

One of the most beautiful things that is part of the Orthodox mindset is that we don't have to know it all or explain everything, because we cannot know everything about God (we will always be discovering more), but we can know Him and be in a relationship with Him.  What we see is just a glimpse.  God is ultimately a mystery which parts have been revealed.  It does not attempt to explain away the mysteries, but accepts Christ's words as they are. The Orthodox church puts an emphasis on the, mind, body, soul (as the transformation is of the "whole" person). I have also noticed that you don't need to be happy all the time but rather can be sober minded.  It accepts the paradoxes of life. Things can be both/and, instead of either/or.  It actually intentionally tries not to put God in a box.  

Lastly, one of the most remarkable things I have noticed about myself being part of the Orthodox church is that I seem to have been internally, "Quieted," "Stilled," and "Calmed."  I can only describe it as an internal peace and calm that I have never felt before.  The entire experience has been very humbling, and I want to continue to walk on this road of humbleness and self sacrifice.  I want my entire being to be made whole, not just my intellect.   One thing that I have said to many that I have already spoken with, is that Orthodoxy is everything I thought Christianity should be... and always was.

There is so much more to write about this experience but I will leave it up to you to ask me questions if you have any. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this, I wanted to share what has been going on with me in the past year, especially those who I have not been able to share with yet.